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5 Ways to Keep your Bestie Friendship as Strong as your Coffee, Post Baby

Introducing Guest Blogger: @bestiebabymama

We are best friends, Laura & Chloé, who just so happen to be having baby boys together; 13 weeks apart. We have grown up as a pair and over the last 15 years we have seen one another; go to university, start careers, get engaged, buy our homes, get married and now we are starting our journey to motherhood together! Laura gave birth to Bobby on 13th August 2020 and Chloé is due to give birth to her baby boy on 16th November 2020. We are so excited to share these very new times with you all.

Laura is an EYFS Leader & Class Teacher who is passionate about continuing her career alongside raising her baby boy. Similarly, Chloé is keen to maintain her long term career goals; working hard throughout her pregnancy to gain the promotion of Schools Business Manager in a Secondary School.

We decided to create our IG page to document our journey from sistahood to mamahood; sharing all things bumps, babies and friendship along the way. The honest view from 2 first time mamas.

5 ways to keep your bestie friendship as strong as your coffee, post baby

Having a baby is a huge change in your life; especially when both you and your best friend are going through it together just 13 weeks apart. Be sure to put a little time and thought into your friendship to ensure it strengthens and grows with your new family.

When my baby boy was born this summer, I was immediately excited for my friends to meet him; especially Chloé. Now let’s face it; if your an extrovert like me, 2020 has been a tough year... when all you want to do with your new bundle of beauty is share him with your nearest and dearest! For me, the best feeling in the world seeing your bestie love your baby as much as you do - which is hard in the midst of all of these government restrictions. 

Even before covid I can imagine visits from friends and family to be quite hard to juggle; particularly when everyone wants that first look and baby smell. Which rapidly dwindles away to less frequent visitors; leaving the new mama feeling out of touch and disconnected with even their bestest of friends. But do not worry, as it turns out your by no means alone. Many new mamas find it hard to maintain friendships with their besties, or struggle to reconnect with their pre-baby friendships.

Myself and Chloé have put together some helpful tips for you and your bestie to remain stronger than ever after babies enter your relationship.

#1 - Remember your bestie is the same person she was before she had a baby

Myself and Chloé love spending time together, doing absolutely anything; nights out dancing, lunch dates, shopping trips, takeaway and face masks, spa days, walking or even just sat in the same room as one another on our phones saying absolutely nothing! 😂 A lot of these things were pre-covid and pre-pregnancy, however we have still made time for one another throughout all of this mayhem and change to our lifestyles. This has not only been essential for our mental health, but has also brought us closer together on the journey to motherhood.

When we get chance to catch up; either in person or virtually, we always ask about one another’s baby or bump. We also never forget to ask about one another; how work is going, if we have seen some ridiculous Facebook post/Instagram comment, or one another’s opinion on the latest TOWIE argument! We ALWAYS acknowledge our shared interests, rather than being them two mamas that share the type of bottles that their babies are drinking from 😂

Don’t get us wrong we LOVE talking about our boys and it’s a gift that we have been given the opportunity to raise them together, but as I once wrote in a card to Chloé for her baby shower; we will always be Lozza & Chlozza; them 2 hilarious, ridiculous and fabulous besties!

#2 - Embrace the new normal
It’s a no brainier that you value your bestie for who she is, and now she’s a mama so you’ve got to embrace that!
If your not a mama; at times you may feel a million miles away from your friend’s new role. Or if your both pregnant at similar times; like myself and Chloé, you may feel like nothing will ever be the same again once the babies arrive. But it doesn’t have to be like that. I fully know that Chloé is just as invested in my family as much as I am in hers... even though we may not have a minute to express it.
True friendship doesn’t get dropped when you leave school, start a career or go to university, move homes, get married or have kids, it just changes in dynamic - be flexible and go with it. And don’t feel offended if one doesn’t text back straight away or forgets to reply and you’ve been waiting a week. Remember it’s NOT intentional - friendship works both ways so never get the hump and wait for the other one to reach out first... it’s unnecessary and one of the biggest ways to loose that bond you’ve always loved.
#3 - Don’t wait to be asked
As a new, first time mama (pregnant or post birth) it can be exhausting to recruit help or arrange for company - especially in covid. The best help is often the kind that volunteers itself. Myself and Chloé always reach out and then follow through. For example; my parents have recently had to isolate due to being around someone who has tested positive for Covid-19; resulting in my childcare bubble being a no go for 14 days. Chloé straight away messaged to offer her help even though she’s 39 weeks pregnant. Something I hadn’t even of thought as she starts her time on maternity preparing for the birth of her baby boy.

Similarly, for Chloe’s 28th birthday a couple of weeks ago we knew we wouldn’t be able to do much with her being heavily pregnant so I surprised her with a Mama-To-Be spa day! (Trust me, VERY different to how we normlly celebrate one of our birthdays!) Be the one to approach your bestie even if you feel like it’s always you doing the asking, the chances are she’s feeling the same but probably doesn’t have any space in her new mama brain to approach you to make plans or ask for support! Be that friend who turns up at their worst moment and they’ll choose you to be that friend who shares their best ones!
#4 - Don’t say I’m too busy
If your bestie asks you to do something, don’t give the typical “I’m too busy” reply. Be clear with one another and share what’s going on in your life so it doesn’t seem like you’re phasing them out. We are not saying it’s not ok to be busy or have plans elsewhere, but always communicate with one another or try to arrange plans another time.

Myself and Chloé have different friendships groups with different plans at different times, so this has never been an issue but we can imagine this causing issues in other friendships that aren’t as laid back. We are also blessed to have baby daddy’s who are very good friends too so it’s often simple and easy for us to have plans together: previously as a 4, currently as a 5 and soon to be as a 6!

If you haven’t already introduce your partners to your friendship so you can spend time with all your loved ones together (and drink your coffee warm whilst the dads entertain the lads) 😂
#5 - Get into a routine
Set aside time for your bestie, even if it does mean being that mama who marks the dairy or calendar for a regular get together. Because let’s be honest; having a baby, a husband, a full time job, a home and lots of other friends and family, if a dates not on your calendar, it’s not happening.

Myself and Chloé have set aside a day in the week where we will do something together on our maternity leave. This way we know that’s always time for us and our boys. We have also agreed that for birthdays we are going to book places rather than buy things so that we can spend time together rather than buying a gift that we already know about and would probably have bought for ourself once payday came! Be sure to set up a weekly or monthly get together for bestie self care time, whether it be with your babies or without!

So there it is, our top tips to surviving being besties and baby mamas. For more of our content please give us a follow @bestiebabymamas on IG. Hopefully when you check us out Baby Taylor will have joined Baby Morton! 👶🏻👶🏼
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November 18, 2020 — Emily Ramplin

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